Perpetual Soliloquy

One by one things accumulated in our mind, like a piece of puzzle. For us to figure how to arrange them and find the picture behind. That's how to figure yourself.
This blog is all about those puzzles, my puzzles.
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If you speak the truth, the monster whispered in his ear, you will be able to face whatever comes.
Patrick Ness, A Monster Call

Because humans are complicated beasts, the monster said. How can a queen be both a good witch and a bad witch? How can a prince be a murderer and a saviour? How can an apothecary be evil-tempered but right-thinking? How can a parson be wrong-thinking but good-hearted? How can invisible men make themselves more lonely by being seen?

"I don’t know," Connor shrugged, exhausted. "Your stories never made any sense to me."

The answer is that it does not matter what you think, the monster said, because your mind will contradict itself a hundred times each day. You wanted her to go at the same time you were desperate for me to save her. Your mind will believe comforting lies while also knowing the painful truths that make those lies necessary. And your mind will punish you for believing both.

Patrick Ness, A Monster Call


Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

Lately, I’ve been thinking: living in a yacht sounds cool, right?! Yes, yes, indeed it is.

Look at these pictures!




aren’t they LOVELY?!

Imagine— cruising alone (or with (some) friend(s)) in the moonlight, gazing at the stars, reading book at the deck while listening to soft music. Heavenly!

I wonder… should I include yacht in my pension plan? Aside from my forest house of course, that’s already a definite have-to-be-had property. But the price for one yacht is a bit expensive. For this ‘starlight’ yacht, it costs $4,995,000. Uuugh priceypriceypriceykjskldkaj.

In 3 minutes I have to say goodbye to my teenage life and *deep breath* *wheeze* welcoming my life as a young adult.

…honestly? It’s kinda unnerving, but I’m a bit giddy too

I’m transfixed by the concept of time and parallel world. I mean, isn’t it so mysterious? If we change something in the past, it will deliver us a brand new future, a parallel branch. Think of every decisions we could make and change, there will be infinite possibility of parallel world- and that’s not counting everyone else’s. Whoa I’m overwhelmed.

I want to be the observer of those worlds. I want to know the all stories possible for all people alive —well maybe not all, that would take forever of forevers, but you know what? actually I won’t mind!

I watched Colorful movie and somewhere in the movie there was a line— he’s someone who doesn’t have any redeeming quality beside quite kind, that was a bit… sad

But on second thought, maybe it is all that we need- just being kind or being anything, really- if there is someone who appreciate our only trait, then perhaps it is fine not having any redeeming quality. One is enough. One is enough to make someone appreciates us

Sometimes, I wait for others to finally understand me.

Sometimes, I do not even want anyone to discover me

Sometimes, I want to see world, the whole of it

Sometimes, I am okay with just my own little world

Sometimes, I think I know myself the most

Sometimes, I am the one who surprised me the most

Sometimes, I looked at myself like I am the mightiest of the mighty

Sometimes,  I am deeply ashamed of myself

Sometimes I wonder how it feel to quit being a paradox, to decide that I will not look back at the choice I had left, to put an end on this poor excuse of an indecisive human who can’t pick one final choice. Sometimes I have to urge myself to stop dilly-dallying and end up making hasty and careless decision and some other time I just and being really careful and end up distressing myself.

But finally sometimes, I too am quite content with this personality, this is me, someone who can not stop thinking about all opportunities nor put myself in irreversible circumstance. But it’s okay because it let me know the consequence of the choices therefore it grant me an understanding of others who make whichever choice. I guess I could see the two sides of coin and that teach me not to be judgmental an be open-minded instead — or tolerable, at the very least 

Someone said the most revealing thing about an individu could be seen when he is under pressure.
I wholeheartedly agree.
Because in that condition a person doesn’t have time to pretend. They would let their instinct takes control. That way, the hidden things they try to smother, intented to be kept in the dark, the most revealing thing about them would be able to be seen.